


their meaning starts to soften

by redriotoperator



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Because of Reasons, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I will write Oikawa being insecure and learning that he is good enough as is, Insecurity, Iwa is in Japan, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Boyfriend, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Oh, Oikawa Tooru is a Mess, Oikawa Tooru's Inferiority Complex, Oikawa is in rio, Post-Time Skip, and I am in denial, anything else?, but anything i ever write is inspired by music, its a phone call what do you expect, lowkey a song fic, no beta we die like men, rated for oikawa's angry cussing, this started following oikawa and then halfway through flipped to iwa don't question it, why isn't that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24149521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redriotoperator/pseuds/redriotoperator
Summary: They had been down this road before, back in high school. There had been months where he didn’t tell Iwaizumi anything that had been going on in his head, far too caught up in being the ‘Perfect Captain’ the rest of the team needed and ‘Oikawa Tooru; heartthrob’ to everyone else that he lost all sense of himself completely. He shut down all of Iwaizumi’s attempts at getting him to open up until one day, he just snapped.or; Oikawa forgets why he tries so hard, Iwaizumi reminds him.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 134





	their meaning starts to soften

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing these two so it's probably slightly ooc but I hope my love for them makes up for it.  
> title is from "I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore" by Waterparks bc its an Oikawa song if I've ever heard one.

Oikawa sighed, letting the door to his compact apartment slam shut behind him. As he heard the click of the lock, his shoulders sagged and he closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against the cool metal. After hours of praying to any god that would listen, he was finally able to return to the temporary home he had made himself in Rio. 

Eventually, he slumped off his gym bag and found his way to the beat up couch. He checked the time— 10:46pm.  _ He’s usually up by now, so he’ll answer… right? _

With a sigh, Oikawa fished out his phone and called. After a few rings there was a faint  _ click _ and then—

“-kawa?”

He felt the tension in his chest begin to release and pressed the phone tighter to his ear.

“Hey Hajime.”

There was a pause as Oikawa heard shifting on the other end of the line.

“What’s wrong?”

His brows furrowed.

“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong. Why would you think something’s wrong?”

“There are only two reasons you ever call me by my first name and it’s  _ definitely _ not the first one since I’m not physically there,”

Oikawa blushed furiously, running a hand down his face.

“So it has to be the second one. If you’re not up for nicknames then something is wrong. What’s going on?”

“Y’know,” Oikawa huffed, “If I’d known you were this observant I wouldn’t have called.”

“ _ Tooru _ ,” Iwaizumi warned.

“I know, I know. It was just… a long day.”

“Okay…” Iwaizumi trailed, “and you think bottling it up will help?”

Oikawa froze. They had been down this road before, back in high school. There had been  months where he didn’t tell Iwaizumi anything that had been going on in his head, far too caught up in being the ‘Perfect Captain’ the rest of the team needed and ‘Oikawa Tooru; heartthrob’ to everyone else that he lost all sense of himself completely. He shut down all of Iwaizumi’s attempts at getting him to open up until one day, he just snapped. 

He had been practicing more, hanging back at the gym after the rest of the team had gone home so that he could push himself harder,  _ further _ , to perfect his technique, but every time he worked out one flaw another would crop up. He found himself trapped in an endless loop of faults,  _ you will never be good enough _ repeating like a mantra in his head. He hadn’t noticed Iwaizumi by the gym entrance, arms crossed and brows drawn down in concern. He hadn’t noticed him until he had gotten too overwhelmed by the words repeating in his brain to the beat of the balls hitting the floor and he’d let out such a primal, frustrated yell that the force of it brought him to the ground. It was only then that Iwaizumi had made himself known, rushing to his side and cradling his torso until Tooru was calm enough to hold himself up. They had talked after that, after hours of ugly crying and half-hearted insults. The memory hurt, but it was reassuring knowing that no matter where he was, Iwaizumi always found a way to support him.

“Tooru? Did you fall asleep on me, Shittykawa? I swear to god—”

“I’m here!” Oikawa said, startled out of his thoughts, “Sorry…”

Iwaizumi sighed.

“It’s fine, I’m just worried. You gonna tell me what’s wrong now?”

He nodded, making an affirmative noise before falling into another silence.

“It’s just… hard,” he finally settled on.

“What is?”

“Everything. All of this. I thought that coming here and getting away from all of those 

people would change things but it didn’t. It’s like they followed me here.”

“I’m gonna need you to be more specific, babe. What do you mean ‘those people’?”

“All of those people during high school that only ever cared about  _ The  _ Oikawa Tooru. What he was eating, who he was spending his time with, how he did his hair, all of that pointless  _ bullshit _ !” Tooru exclaimed, exasperated. Iwaizumi hesitated.

“Your… fans?”

“But they’re  _ not _ fans, Hajime! They don’t care about how I play at all, they don’t give two shits about me and the work that I put in to this fucking game they just… they want a show! They want me to smile and laugh and go along with their shitty narrative,” His voice cracked painfully as frustrated tears finally began to overtake him,

“It's like… no matter how hard I work and how much I think I’m improving, no one actually cares about any of that.”

At his final exclamation, the tears transformed into full sobs. He cradled his head in his free hand, biting at the knuckles to try and gain some control. Over the receiver, he heard Hajime’s soft voice.

“Tooru, baby…” 

Oikawa shuddered, letting out another broken sob. Iwaizumi began shushing him gently, soothing noises interspersed with

“Deep breaths, okay. Can you do that? Focus on breathing right now.”

He continued until the sobbing subsided into soft hiccups. After a moment of relative silence, he spoke.

“Can you hear me, Tooru?”

Oikawa made a noise in acknowledgement. 

“Okay good, because I need you to listen to what I’m about to say.”

Hajime took a deep breath before continuing.

“You are… one of the most hardworking people that I know. I know you might think it doesn’t mean much because I’ve known you for so long but because of that I think it should matter the most. I have seen you grow from a snot-nosed kid terrified of taking a ball to the face to one of the strongest, most well-rounded players on the court. What was it that you said in third year? ‘Talent is something that you make bloom’? Tooru, you’ve done that and more. You’ve cultivated not only your own abilities, but those of anybody on the court with you. You might not think it, but you push everyone to work harder and be better. That’s just who you are. Who gives a shit if people outside of the game can’t see that? Everyone that matters  _ can _ . You give and give to this game and everyone in it and you’re going to keep doing that and keep climbing to the top because that’s your nature. Stubborn as all hell, never knowing when to quit, and never letting anyone give up around you. You should be  _ proud _ of that, Tooru. I am.”

Iwaizumi exhaled, listening to the steady give and take of Oikawa’s breath on the other line. After a moment, he responded.

“When did you get so good at using your words, Iwa-chan?” 

“Oh fuck off,” Iwaizumi replied. The sound of Oikawa’s laugh rang through the space and Iwaizumi sighed, feeling the weight on his chest alleviate. As he calmed down, Oikawa pulled the phone close to his ear.

“I miss you,” he said, quietly.

“I miss you too, so much.”

“Do you know when you’ll be able to visit again?” He tried not to let too much hope slip into his voice, but it was hard. Iwaizumi had last visited in January for a belated holiday celebration. They’d been apart for nearly five months and each time he had to leave hurt more than the last. Iwaizumi sighed.

“I have finals coming up so I can’t come until June at the earliest.”

“Oh…”

“ _ But _ I would be able to come for a month this time.”

Oikawa’s head snapped up at that, his heart leaping.

“Wait, really?”

Iwaizumi let out a soft laugh before confirming.

“Yeah, I already talked to my boss about it.”

A watery smile creeped onto Tooru’s face with every word.

“Oh my god, a  _ month _ ? I get you for a month?”

“You better not start crying again, Crappykawa, you know I will too.”

“I can’t help it!” Oikawa exclaimed, wiping furiously at his face, “I haven’t seen you for that long since… since—”

“Since you left. It’s a two-way street, y’know?  _ I _ get to see  _ you _ too.”

“You get to see me! We get to see each other!” 

Oikawa let out a giddy laugh, cheeks starting to ache. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but feel just as overwhelmed. He glanced at the clock.

“Hey, isn’t it nearing midnight over there? You need to get to sleep if you plan on being an active participant in practice tomorrow.”

“Pshhh,” Oikawa scoffed, “as if I could sleep now. I’ve got a  _ month _ of activities to plan, Iwa-chan!” 

“ _ Tooru _ ,” he warned. Oikawa laughed again.

“I know, I’m just kidding. I’ll get some sleep, promise.”

“Good. Goodnight, idiot,”

“ _ Your  _ idiot,” Oikawa teased, “Have a good day, Hajime. I love you!”

“Love you too, Tooru,” Iwaizumi sighed, smiling as the dial tone came on.  _ Just a little bit longer _ , he thought.  _ Just a little longer and then I get Tooru for a month. _


End file.
